Normally I would take a bit of sadistic pleasure in leaving
you wondering what happened between RG and me.
But, because the reason for us not seeing each other anymore is the same reason we saw each other to begin with, and said reason is a
primary driver of this trip, I have decided to share a bit more.
If you have been reading along, you know that we started
dating mostly because I took a giant breath of free will and, as my brother so
eloquently said, hunted RG down. As I
wrote, he was not trying to ditch me and, even better, was happy that I had
found him. What I did not tell you was
how he chose to spend his time while I was busy tracking him down.
He took a nap.
Yep, he was saddened by the fact that I was apparently
not going to contact him for dinner and, instead of, oh I don’t know, driving
to the two campgrounds in Morro Bay looking for a red Cayenne towing an
Airstream (utilizing the few facts he knew about me), he decided fate had dealt
the cards and he took a nap.
We came to laugh about this over the short course of our
involvement but, in the end, it was his fatalistic approach to life versus my
free will approach that ultimately closed the door.
Having both been runners out of relationships in our
pasts (with my one exception being Alan, of course) we would often joke about
who would run out the door first. RG once noted that we could end up running at the same
time and, like a scene from The Three
Stooges, get crammed into the door frame, legs and arms flailing, stuck
together. That appealed to both of us;
the getting stuck together.
As it happened, following a civil conversation on our
different approaches to life, both of us heavy with disbelief and disappointment, he
held the door while I walked through.
There are some things about growing older that are nice; knowing what
works for you is one of them.
Of course, the fatalist would read these stories and just
see Fate. The fatalist might say it was Fate that made me put
his telephone number incorrectly into my phone and therefore Fate ultimately
won because we did not stay together.
Silly Kit, thinking she could use Free Will to make things different.
But I would not change a thing. Having rediscovered the pleasure of
experiencing life with another person last summer, I am happy to report the
trend continued. In less than four weeks
I had three perfect moments in time.
Moments when I stopped to appreciate life through my human senses: The touch of another person; the smell of
warm dirt; the sight of a star filled night; the sound of dogs quietly playing;
a taste of contentment. This time I
mentioned the moments as they occurred and RG was right there with me. We knew how fortunate we were.
So sorry Fate, you don’t get to call this a win. Without Free Will my one precious life would
be decidedly less precious. It is the
combination of the two that makes life so interesting: I may believe Fate will give me what it gives
me but I know how much fun I have in between is entirely up to me.
In other news, my new neighbors invited me and the seller
over to dinner a few nights ago. Darlene
and I ended up sitting next to each other at the table and, when someone asked
how long it took to sell her house, we immediately leaned into each other,
hugging with one arm, heads bent together, as Darlene said, “Just long enough to find Kit.”
-K
PS: I have decided
not to live like a poor college student anymore. After a brief visit to Seattle, I will be hitching
up the Beagle and heading out for two weeks until Kismit is truly mine. Darlene has been incredibly gracious but I
think it best to give her the freedom to completely enjoy her home; it is not
an easy thing she is doing.
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